things i will not miss about being pregnant
1. turning on the stove with my stomach when reaching for the microwave.
2. dropping things with my big aluminum hands and thinking “i’ll just pick it up when i’m not pregnant anymore.” (viola murray 2010.)
3. being 200 pounds.
4. smiling politely when people ask me how many babies i am having.
5. saying “thank you,” when people say i don’t even look pregnant from behind. what does that even mean?
6. having cartoon feet and hands.
7. not being able to get up. or down.
For some reason NO. 6 made me think of One Crazy Summer – just the cartoon thing, made me think of Hoops – you know and his cartoon dreams – this makes 0 sense, but is true nonetheless. The list is funny, thanks for the laughs.
* – Note to any readers, no I do not mean Better Off Dead, also a great film with John Cusack, but they are NOT the same film, totally different.